Mix Fruit (Mandarin Oranges, Banana, Mixed Peanuts, and Oregano)
Orange salad with natural dressing and Salmon sandwich in French Baquet
Fiber Flakes, low calories Milk, and 0% fat Plain Yogurt
Bacon, garden salad and an egg
Monday, December 07, 2009
healthy food collection
Orange salad with natural dressing and Salmon sandwich in French BaquetBacon, garden salad and an egg
Saturday, December 05, 2009
see laughs and smiles around
Wao! Today my team in PPI (Persatuan Pelajar Indonesia) has just finished and closed the big event. We finally did it. Inviting the representation from embassy of Indonesia in The Hague to come to Rotterdam and helping the Indonesian students registered in Embassy.
Only one thing that I did not expect. I saw laughs and smiles around me, they were everywhere before, during, and after the event. I, as the chairman, did not do much actually. I just prepared the food and helped to direct and give some suggestions for action steps. My beloved team mate, Floren, did many things, from wrote the invitation letter to called for a coordination. She did a really good job and I am so happy for her because she realizes that she learned a lot from the process.
It was a super late event. 1 hour late. it supposes to start at 6pm but then the representation from the embassy were late and all people who want to register need to wait for a little bit longer. Then finally it started. We filled in the form and I slipped my time to talk and chat with the representatives from the Embassy. They are really fun and appreciative. Important people came and go, left good mark for me they said, "I see you get the talent. Long time ago, It happened and I felt so far from it but now I feel the nerves are on me. It is coming and getting clearer. It is seemed like I was born to do this kindda job. To lead, to facilitate people.
There were some important people talked and we just did not really prepare for the formal run-down and everything just came up in the last minute. But it was just smooth and fine. There are no payback that are bigger for me to do this event than big laughs, meet new people, and smiles of waiting to see each other again.
Only one thing that I did not expect. I saw laughs and smiles around me, they were everywhere before, during, and after the event. I, as the chairman, did not do much actually. I just prepared the food and helped to direct and give some suggestions for action steps. My beloved team mate, Floren, did many things, from wrote the invitation letter to called for a coordination. She did a really good job and I am so happy for her because she realizes that she learned a lot from the process.
It was a super late event. 1 hour late. it supposes to start at 6pm but then the representation from the embassy were late and all people who want to register need to wait for a little bit longer. Then finally it started. We filled in the form and I slipped my time to talk and chat with the representatives from the Embassy. They are really fun and appreciative. Important people came and go, left good mark for me they said, "I see you get the talent. Long time ago, It happened and I felt so far from it but now I feel the nerves are on me. It is coming and getting clearer. It is seemed like I was born to do this kindda job. To lead, to facilitate people.
There were some important people talked and we just did not really prepare for the formal run-down and everything just came up in the last minute. But it was just smooth and fine. There are no payback that are bigger for me to do this event than big laughs, meet new people, and smiles of waiting to see each other again.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
just 0.05 mm difference
Since 1 year ago, I have tried to find the lid for my camera lens to replace the broken one. I do not why suddenly I connected with my feeling in soul mate searching, real and true friendship, or love, which has not appeared.
After finished long presentation session in university, I decided to go back home, changed my clothes to the casual outfit. ahhh... felt so good to just let the formal side of me get rest and stay there at some point.
Then I just felt wanna go somewhere with my bike and let my bike showed the way. Hmmm.. let me think... confused for a while. Thinking to buy some stuff in the far away supermarket for the God sake of cheaper price but then my bike led me to the lens store.
I just remember with my broken lid of my camera, hey surprisingly they have this stuff with various brands. So I went back, grabbed my camera, and back to the store. After a mid-age guy tried to match my camera with different available size of the lid. Then he suddenly said "aha!, it fits". When I pulled it just a little to check whether it is really fitted or not , it suddenly was off. Juuuuuuust 0.05 mm difference is enough to rip off my heart and to twist my mind to write this story. Does friendship, love, and relationship works in the same way? Does 0.05 mm difference in the path of life and serendipity enough to change the entire scenario of our life?
I almost get what I am looking for a year, but it is just 0.05 mm that says I am not in the finish line yet. I guess it has been the same for friendships, loves and soul mates searching. Love, friendship, and good soul are everywhere, but they are just too loose to be caught. 0.05 mm too far, we could not get it, 0.05 mm too short, we might lose it.
It is too complicated for me. I need something exact. Stated. Cristal clear.
I guess today is not my day yet. I will keep searching, while now my bike just led me to the supermarket. The place where as far as you can see is clearly stated. The price, the composition, the type of stuffs, the name of the staffs, the section product, everything is stated. Well somebody are standby too if you want to get more information.
I wish soul and love searching can be as clear as supermarket without loosing the sense of its romance and beauty.
After finished long presentation session in university, I decided to go back home, changed my clothes to the casual outfit. ahhh... felt so good to just let the formal side of me get rest and stay there at some point.
Then I just felt wanna go somewhere with my bike and let my bike showed the way. Hmmm.. let me think... confused for a while. Thinking to buy some stuff in the far away supermarket for the God sake of cheaper price but then my bike led me to the lens store.
I just remember with my broken lid of my camera, hey surprisingly they have this stuff with various brands. So I went back, grabbed my camera, and back to the store. After a mid-age guy tried to match my camera with different available size of the lid. Then he suddenly said "aha!, it fits". When I pulled it just a little to check whether it is really fitted or not , it suddenly was off. Juuuuuuust 0.05 mm difference is enough to rip off my heart and to twist my mind to write this story. Does friendship, love, and relationship works in the same way? Does 0.05 mm difference in the path of life and serendipity enough to change the entire scenario of our life?
I almost get what I am looking for a year, but it is just 0.05 mm that says I am not in the finish line yet. I guess it has been the same for friendships, loves and soul mates searching. Love, friendship, and good soul are everywhere, but they are just too loose to be caught. 0.05 mm too far, we could not get it, 0.05 mm too short, we might lose it.
It is too complicated for me. I need something exact. Stated. Cristal clear.
I guess today is not my day yet. I will keep searching, while now my bike just led me to the supermarket. The place where as far as you can see is clearly stated. The price, the composition, the type of stuffs, the name of the staffs, the section product, everything is stated. Well somebody are standby too if you want to get more information.
I wish soul and love searching can be as clear as supermarket without loosing the sense of its romance and beauty.
play hard to get
If I can only mock one thing about Holland, I will be strait to the point. It is about the men. Forget about the fuckin' windy cold rainy weather or about the "Hi", "How are you", and "good bye" or "see you later" kindda people. So far, I have managed those things. No Problem.
But this one, the men, in majority, puffff... occhh.. so tired of 'em. I have experienced nasty play hard to get considerably. How could I possibly survive and stay here for another 8 1/2 months in this kind of love and attraction bargaining.
In the beginning, I admit that I closed myself for a short term relationship because I was just stupid to follow my brain all the time, while women suppose to follow their heart (This is still sounds better than men's stories that they somehow follow their dicks all the time).
Last two months, I like a guy from far Brazil who stays in Paris, he had came and he went back to Paris. Ok. I accept it. It is understandable. Then I start to open myself to mingle and enjoy the rhythm. I surprise. Some guys are getting closer with me and when I give a sign that I like them, they are seemed to keep the distance and get even farther. Is this the test or rules of the game they are playing here in Holland. Or is it just not my luck to see many ass holes and not see love holes opening for me.
Not in the bars, in the dance floors, even in the classes and in the university, this social convention sort of applies everywhere in Holland. Hmmm... I am thinking. Do I against this social convention or I am turned to become part of it? Or this is what things that come back to me because I did this all the time without realizing how much pain one should endure to deal with these kindda social rules and treatments.
Oouch..
But this one, the men, in majority, puffff... occhh.. so tired of 'em. I have experienced nasty play hard to get considerably. How could I possibly survive and stay here for another 8 1/2 months in this kind of love and attraction bargaining.
In the beginning, I admit that I closed myself for a short term relationship because I was just stupid to follow my brain all the time, while women suppose to follow their heart (This is still sounds better than men's stories that they somehow follow their dicks all the time).
Last two months, I like a guy from far Brazil who stays in Paris, he had came and he went back to Paris. Ok. I accept it. It is understandable. Then I start to open myself to mingle and enjoy the rhythm. I surprise. Some guys are getting closer with me and when I give a sign that I like them, they are seemed to keep the distance and get even farther. Is this the test or rules of the game they are playing here in Holland. Or is it just not my luck to see many ass holes and not see love holes opening for me.
Not in the bars, in the dance floors, even in the classes and in the university, this social convention sort of applies everywhere in Holland. Hmmm... I am thinking. Do I against this social convention or I am turned to become part of it? Or this is what things that come back to me because I did this all the time without realizing how much pain one should endure to deal with these kindda social rules and treatments.
Oouch..
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
the power of being powerless and JUST TRY!
somehow I value myself for being toooo judgmental and so powerful that I resist to try and just guess the outcome with my power and self-authority. I guess it is very human. Yes a very bad human habit and nature. Yesterday I see how a person acted differently.
This person tried a thing that I said possible but I think impossible, to stand an egg vertically, just right after I spoke to him and he did it, YES he did it twice after 2 minutes and again after 4 minutes. WAOW! I keep saying this is possible because a person told me so, but honestly I have never tried. What a lame.
Since a man told me about a business training with this stupid exercise, standing an egg vertically and just like that by your hand. He said, "in the beginning from 100 people in the training, all of 'em said this is impossible to do"
Know what, after 20 minutes there was a guy could do that. Yes a guy made an egg stands vertically. Five minutes later, 80% of the training participants could do the same. The fact that told them is possible that changes their unconsciousness and translate it into being real and happening. I guess it works completely the same with dream, vision, you name it.
Ok. that's inspirational but somehow, yesterday and today I am being reminded by this magic of moment. It is good to try before I just take it like that. For any bad words and judgments, many times I took em just that way without examine them later on, try em and prove em. He gave me the most important lesson by just doing this in front of me with the egg that he just boiled.
Waooo.. I guess being powerless and not taking authority over ourselves and just do it, prove it before the judgment and words killing me or us can be very very very important and meaningful.
This person tried a thing that I said possible but I think impossible, to stand an egg vertically, just right after I spoke to him and he did it, YES he did it twice after 2 minutes and again after 4 minutes. WAOW! I keep saying this is possible because a person told me so, but honestly I have never tried. What a lame.
Since a man told me about a business training with this stupid exercise, standing an egg vertically and just like that by your hand. He said, "in the beginning from 100 people in the training, all of 'em said this is impossible to do"
Know what, after 20 minutes there was a guy could do that. Yes a guy made an egg stands vertically. Five minutes later, 80% of the training participants could do the same. The fact that told them is possible that changes their unconsciousness and translate it into being real and happening. I guess it works completely the same with dream, vision, you name it.
Ok. that's inspirational but somehow, yesterday and today I am being reminded by this magic of moment. It is good to try before I just take it like that. For any bad words and judgments, many times I took em just that way without examine them later on, try em and prove em. He gave me the most important lesson by just doing this in front of me with the egg that he just boiled.
Waooo.. I guess being powerless and not taking authority over ourselves and just do it, prove it before the judgment and words killing me or us can be very very very important and meaningful.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
cleaning out
Today, I am officially getting old to be 25 years old and I want to label it "Cleaning out"
25 years ago, I can imagine, I was born healthy with pure mind (as clean as white paper, which smart people call it, tabula rasa), even some religious said I bring evil part as a human being.
So whatever with the theory and religious people. I just know that I grow not only with my knowledge and experience but also with any kind of toxic you can imagine from this world. You name it, from value judgment from others, norms, to alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, pesticide.
Today, yes TODAY is the day to clean these all out from my body and soul. Start with taking long shower, taking out all old stuff in my wardrobe, cleaning out my room, and the house. I guess that it is still not enough. I am doing detoxification, just eat fruits and drink 10 liters of water, to take all poisonous thingy out. OUT OUT OUT!
Yes, it is the best present I have ever had for myself in this 25 years old. But no offense to Farzad, one of my room mates, your present is cute too. :)
Now, I start getting to the edge of myself. I feel starving even though I keep eating the mango and oranges in the fridge. I guess for all I have done in this 24 years and 365 days, this is just the beginning to feel better how the "good" pain can heal and renew tired soul that could not realize, shout and say "I am tired" and intoxicated body that always wants to look good, but takes alcohols for the sake of better laughs, takes caffeine to stay awake in the morning, takes sleeping pills to get sleep at night, and so on and so on and again and again...
TODAY I CLEANED THESE OUT! YES I MADE IT!
25 years ago, I can imagine, I was born healthy with pure mind (as clean as white paper, which smart people call it, tabula rasa), even some religious said I bring evil part as a human being.
So whatever with the theory and religious people. I just know that I grow not only with my knowledge and experience but also with any kind of toxic you can imagine from this world. You name it, from value judgment from others, norms, to alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, pesticide.
Today, yes TODAY is the day to clean these all out from my body and soul. Start with taking long shower, taking out all old stuff in my wardrobe, cleaning out my room, and the house. I guess that it is still not enough. I am doing detoxification, just eat fruits and drink 10 liters of water, to take all poisonous thingy out. OUT OUT OUT!
Yes, it is the best present I have ever had for myself in this 25 years old. But no offense to Farzad, one of my room mates, your present is cute too. :)
Now, I start getting to the edge of myself. I feel starving even though I keep eating the mango and oranges in the fridge. I guess for all I have done in this 24 years and 365 days, this is just the beginning to feel better how the "good" pain can heal and renew tired soul that could not realize, shout and say "I am tired" and intoxicated body that always wants to look good, but takes alcohols for the sake of better laughs, takes caffeine to stay awake in the morning, takes sleeping pills to get sleep at night, and so on and so on and again and again...
TODAY I CLEANED THESE OUT! YES I MADE IT!
finding back my presence
woowww.. it has been a long time to dance my fingers on the top of my laptop for fun things, like blogging.
Working on the university works, checking mails, and checking whatever happen in the fake social life network I could have on the net (twitty, facebooky, orkuchy-as brazilian say for Orkut, bla di bla...) have become a routine even more become an unstated social obligation. Occhhh... so tired of all these.
Then, I ran out from my fucked up life these last few weeks. I thought join meditation work shop could be an option. I was right. Woke up in early morning at 7am to attend the session far away from the city I live in now, Rotterdam, I have found myself very courageous to travel alone to this place, Egmond aan Zee, a small city on the north of Amsterdam, 2 hours by train and very small bus that even nobody will judge it as a bus.
When I arrived there, a woman, who I think is very lovely and sweet with british accent hold my freezing hand with her warm hand, gave an honest smile, and said, "let me show you the room. do you wanna have a cup of coffee or tea" Owwwhhh so sweetttt, I love this woman (of course not in the gay way of loving since I am damn strait, ha!)
Then I felt so welcomed and even took out 49 EURO out of my bank account did not feel painful anymore. yeah That's a beauty of love. Love is blind. Hate it but it is true and I fully accept that.
After put all stuffs and change clothes, the class was started with about 10 people. It was very interesting moment because it was a social meditation day, meditation without closing eyes and scared to feel asleep. Everybody started hugging each other in the proper way, expressing themselves, colliding themselves, getting the anger out of ourselves, complaining about our pain, dancing, saying positive things. Waoooo... I wish the world could be like this sometimes, when everybody just does not care with what other people will say and be happy together in the same time.
The sharing session struck me though, when a middle age lady, about 55 years old confessed that she had had a problem during the session to express the truth feelings of her. She has been an actress since 24 years old and now she does not know which one is acting and which one is her real emotion.
The other person said, (he is one of gay couples) "I feel home every time I come here and I get myself out of my unconsciousness" Lovely! The other woman is a taxi driver, she is just fun! When we had a circle hug, we all of sudden put one of our feet together in the middle and she shoot, "hey! time for feet sex, oowww... unprotected one!" such a very good sense of humor.
At the end of the session, Bart, a 38 years old guy asked me for a date and we had a date in the nice restaurant, new york hotel (for the people outside rotterdam may think I am bitch, but please don't because it is just the name). He is interesting though and I feel nourished from the conversation. He was talking about different kind of meditations using amazon herbs which pull me out to try someday. For sure I will. It is just crossing in my mind, in this fuckin' 25th years old thingy. Why I always have cute younger guy who like me or very old guy who like me and asking for sleep dating (Woowww... easy!) Is there any in between their ages, like 32 to 35. Damn where are these men like this on earth! Are they in the state like to fuck around, which I do not really into it. Or I just like extreme stuff, between kiddish stuff, hangout get drunk in the student social drink event, and oldish stuff, like meditating? I need to really check on that I guess... looking into my presence and peeping deeper.
Working on the university works, checking mails, and checking whatever happen in the fake social life network I could have on the net (twitty, facebooky, orkuchy-as brazilian say for Orkut, bla di bla...) have become a routine even more become an unstated social obligation. Occhhh... so tired of all these.
Then, I ran out from my fucked up life these last few weeks. I thought join meditation work shop could be an option. I was right. Woke up in early morning at 7am to attend the session far away from the city I live in now, Rotterdam, I have found myself very courageous to travel alone to this place, Egmond aan Zee, a small city on the north of Amsterdam, 2 hours by train and very small bus that even nobody will judge it as a bus.
When I arrived there, a woman, who I think is very lovely and sweet with british accent hold my freezing hand with her warm hand, gave an honest smile, and said, "let me show you the room. do you wanna have a cup of coffee or tea" Owwwhhh so sweetttt, I love this woman (of course not in the gay way of loving since I am damn strait, ha!)
Then I felt so welcomed and even took out 49 EURO out of my bank account did not feel painful anymore. yeah That's a beauty of love. Love is blind. Hate it but it is true and I fully accept that.
After put all stuffs and change clothes, the class was started with about 10 people. It was very interesting moment because it was a social meditation day, meditation without closing eyes and scared to feel asleep. Everybody started hugging each other in the proper way, expressing themselves, colliding themselves, getting the anger out of ourselves, complaining about our pain, dancing, saying positive things. Waoooo... I wish the world could be like this sometimes, when everybody just does not care with what other people will say and be happy together in the same time.
The sharing session struck me though, when a middle age lady, about 55 years old confessed that she had had a problem during the session to express the truth feelings of her. She has been an actress since 24 years old and now she does not know which one is acting and which one is her real emotion.
The other person said, (he is one of gay couples) "I feel home every time I come here and I get myself out of my unconsciousness" Lovely! The other woman is a taxi driver, she is just fun! When we had a circle hug, we all of sudden put one of our feet together in the middle and she shoot, "hey! time for feet sex, oowww... unprotected one!" such a very good sense of humor.
At the end of the session, Bart, a 38 years old guy asked me for a date and we had a date in the nice restaurant, new york hotel (for the people outside rotterdam may think I am bitch, but please don't because it is just the name). He is interesting though and I feel nourished from the conversation. He was talking about different kind of meditations using amazon herbs which pull me out to try someday. For sure I will. It is just crossing in my mind, in this fuckin' 25th years old thingy. Why I always have cute younger guy who like me or very old guy who like me and asking for sleep dating (Woowww... easy!) Is there any in between their ages, like 32 to 35. Damn where are these men like this on earth! Are they in the state like to fuck around, which I do not really into it. Or I just like extreme stuff, between kiddish stuff, hangout get drunk in the student social drink event, and oldish stuff, like meditating? I need to really check on that I guess... looking into my presence and peeping deeper.
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Friday, November 06, 2009
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