finding back my presence

woowww.. it has been a long time to dance my fingers on the top of my laptop for fun things, like blogging.
Working on the university works, checking mails, and checking whatever happen in the fake social life network I could have on the net (twitty, facebooky, orkuchy-as brazilian say for Orkut, bla di bla...) have become a routine even more become an unstated social obligation. Occhhh... so tired of all these.
Then, I ran out from my fucked up life these last few weeks. I thought join meditation work shop could be an option. I was right. Woke up in early morning at 7am to attend the session far away from the city I live in now, Rotterdam, I have found myself very courageous to travel alone to this place, Egmond aan Zee, a small city on the north of Amsterdam, 2 hours by train and very small bus that even nobody will judge it as a bus.
When I arrived there, a woman, who I think is very lovely and sweet with british accent hold my freezing hand with her warm hand, gave an honest smile, and said, "let me show you the room. do you wanna have a cup of coffee or tea" Owwwhhh so sweetttt, I love this woman (of course not in the gay way of loving since I am damn strait, ha!)
Then I felt so welcomed and even took out 49 EURO out of my bank account did not feel painful anymore. yeah That's a beauty of love. Love is blind. Hate it but it is true and I fully accept that.
After put all stuffs and change clothes, the class was started with about 10 people. It was very interesting moment because it was a social meditation day, meditation without closing eyes and scared to feel asleep. Everybody started hugging each other in the proper way, expressing themselves, colliding themselves, getting the anger out of ourselves, complaining about our pain, dancing, saying positive things. Waoooo... I wish the world could be like this sometimes, when everybody just does not care with what other people will say and be happy together in the same time.
The sharing session struck me though, when a middle age lady, about 55 years old confessed that she had had a problem during the session to express the truth feelings of her. She has been an actress since 24 years old and now she does not know which one is acting and which one is her real emotion.
The other person said, (he is one of gay couples) "I feel home every time I come here and I get myself out of my unconsciousness" Lovely! The other woman is a taxi driver, she is just fun! When we had a circle hug, we all of sudden put one of our feet together in the middle and she shoot, "hey! time for feet sex, oowww... unprotected one!" such a very good sense of humor.
At the end of the session, Bart, a 38 years old guy asked me for a date and we had a date in the nice restaurant, new york hotel (for the people outside rotterdam may think I am bitch, but please don't because it is just the name). He is interesting though and I feel nourished from the conversation. He was talking about different kind of meditations using amazon herbs which pull me out to try someday. For sure I will. It is just crossing in my mind, in this fuckin' 25th years old thingy. Why I always have cute younger guy who like me or very old guy who like me and asking for sleep dating (Woowww... easy!) Is there any in between their ages, like 32 to 35. Damn where are these men like this on earth! Are they in the state like to fuck around, which I do not really into it. Or I just like extreme stuff, between kiddish stuff, hangout get drunk in the student social drink event, and oldish stuff, like meditating? I need to really check on that I guess... looking into my presence and peeping deeper.