not too much, not too less

Ahhh... wondering when I am eating a nice lovely fancy meal, which is so delicious and juicy and inviting me to deliver them more to my mouth. Well well... that is not what I am gonna do, because I know the important line of what makes me feel good or feel a exaggerative pleasure  that makes me feel bad after and long after that (sometimes for days).

I say, knowing not too much not too less maybe the key of happiness. The key of tasting the present and really feel what we feel and retaining the feeling for last a bit longer. Now is a middle of the night. It is early morning. It depends on what different time zone you are living in. But I feel what I do today is not too much not too less and I feel good.

Good morning.

set the target and let the way lead me there

It is tricky to play with numbers and target of the future, especially for our lives. Many say that it is important to state what we really want in this life by writing 'em down in the form of target and number. However, these target thingy might drag people and myself to confuse about the future days that even we do not know will happen or not. Then bit by bit we keep thinking and worrying about our future and loosing the control over the presence, the day that is precious and can be more beautiful with our presence mind.

Calculating age, earnings, achievements, number of kids, luxurious items for feeding satisfaction, our sake satisfactions, have become part of life. Rooted so deeply until this flows as a giant stream that hard to be avoided. The fact is simply showed, most of everybody does. Some refuse to flow with the stream and pick self out from the stream, forgetting about the future and enjoy what is coming. Nothing is wrong. In my genuine perspective, people can choose the path and attitude to live their life, but of course it will be more interesting if there is a distinctive reason behind their choices, the choices that they are convenient with.

Caring too much about the future or does not care at all. It does not matter. It is the main stream, upstream, or out of the stream. It does not matter. As long as one can really enjoy the process, the daily life, hours by hours, minutes by minutes. Today I reflect again, then I remind my self that I stand for what I believe, picture the future, set the target and I do not remember it, but I keep them in my heart, converge my actions, and I believe the way leads me there.

Omar: There is nothin like This...

There is nothing like today when I have my friends around, there is nothing like my far way friends who spent a crazy party yesterday with me, there is nothing like my lovely parents who support me behind my back but let me free and let me grow independently, there is nothing like my tons of job, which I really love to do, there is nothing like my sweet bed and warm blanket waitin for me,...

There is nothing like this.. there is no substitucion....

Say what...? Say enough my Aidy

2.23 am. TV with TMF channel still on...
2.24 am. IPOD still dangling in my ears and lazy fingers are still dancin' on the top of black keyboard, which might say "I feel under pressure all the time", why this happens to us , whyy??
2.25 am. washing machine is waiting for me to be cleared out... and my clothes are still stuck inside of it..
2.26 am. all clothes are hanged and waiting for getting dry
2.30 am. I think this is not gonna over soon... still many things to do.. take the IPOD off..
2.31 am. brushing my teeth and washing my face prepare to sleep
2.40 am. pull the blanket and turn off the tv and lights (save the energy babe!)
2.50 am. I say "Today is enough" and I am so grateful for having a beautiful day
geeee....

PS: promise myself before I am really entering dreamy world that this is too late for saying enough, it could be earlier AND IT SHOULD BE.

the flavor of homeland food

Today I felt like want to cook something homie and I decided to cook soto (spices curry soup) and opor ayam (chicken curry). All curries and chicken stuff because these were all I have on the freezer almost a month and today is the time to get it over. Unfortunately there are still 1/2 kilo left. fufufuf...

I invited my room mate to eat the stuff because I could not handle this, too much. I felt like happy to cook these but eat em all is not a very good idea for sure, it is so greasy! It was proven that my stomach is accustomized with Dutch simple food and I just felt my stomach went wrong after I had lunch. oouch.

Apart from getting sick a little, I recalled again my real culture and the flavor of my homeland by making and eating this food on the table. It was nice and in the same time wierd because usually I ate this soto under the tent on the street somewhere in Jakarta or Bandung with humid whether and of course the temperature of the whether is more than 30 degree celcius. But today, I ate this with the snow rain outside and I suddenly missed my homeland for a while.

With simple stuff, I reconnected again to the place where I belong, the place where some people were expecting my presence today. I feel grateful.

Yaldâ

Shab-e Yaldâ or Shab-e Chelleh is an ancient Iranian Festival originally celebrated on the Nothern Hemisphere's longest night of the year, that is, on the eve of the Winter Solstice.
Today I have an honored to celebrate it with my Iranian room mate. We went to the market to buy some food, fruits, a cake. I just followed as I felt really lazy to go out to 50m away supermarket because of snow is everywhere. Wet and slippery.
After working for almost 10 hours for university stuff that I need to catch up before having long holiday in Spain, finally I decided to stop and start the celebration. We "cooked" our dinner, as in fact my friend just heated up the pile of rice and mince meat that he cooked for couple meals and I boiled spruitjes (sprouts), typical of a Dutch vegetable, and waved bapao (chinese steam bread) for my dinner.

Spruitjes (Sprouts), as small as meat balls.

It was nothing specially except the meaning of the celebration and some good musics. After eating out "fast food" and fruit. My friend, Farzad suggested to have a cup of tea for accompanying the cake. I was amazing after almost forgetting how good is the taste of the cake. Honestly, the food was too much for me today since I have not eaten that much these days. But I felt enjoying it so much.

After we finished the cake, all of sudden, the food topic was served on the table and Farzad referred me to the video about Persian food. Waooo... amazing to know how they made the food. I just remember how enjoyable to work with the slow food and how exotic the different kind of food in different part of the world. I wish I could make it part of my work. I really wish someday this will come true. But for today, this is enough.

In the end, I show also how does the Indonesian cuisine looks like. My friend said, it was a pity that the people in Holland do not know how to appreciate the food because they have breakfast food for three times a day. Haha... sometimes this might be true. People have less and less time to eat, to spend the most important time for chew and swallow substance that make they still alive.

It was funny and I really appreciate it as my treasure of the day.

a cup of positivism and a spoon of discipline

A recipe of a hard tiring day with many responsibilities and most probably killing deadlines: a cup of positivism and a spoon of discipline.

I did not know why yesterday, the world was so heavy, even my own shoes felt like 2 kilos of sand. Maybe it compensated a nice long chatty night with friends. Yesterday, I woke up and felt like in hell, with a little headache, neck pain, and the worst... waiting deadline with none of them I could understand how to start...

I just passed yesterday with faith and took a stance to start disciplined my self as my wise friend said, "try to sleep always before 12 and set your body clock at 8." I am trying. It was not perfectly set today. But I am sure I will be. Somehow this body needs adjustment something positive to be able to function well, run and think faster.

He is totally right. I woke up today at 9 with better energy (yes, I set my sleeping time from 1 - 9am instead of 12 - 8am) and I add a cup of positivism instead of tea. I guess it is still fine and it is even better for me, remembering the sun in holland these days is also late.

I start my day with cold milk and honey (how sweet is that..) blanket to heat up my body and newspaper to heat up my brain. Oh.. geee.. climate change, euro was going down, chavez and ahmadinejad were hugging each other and pissed some other leaders, sport stuff, not really into it, stock and financial pages (fiuh, not for me now).. and finally.. my gmail... some friends, work stuff, my facebook (nothing)... and time to work..

After few hours I did not realize how progressive I was, in killing the killing deadline. Yeah... a cup of positivism and a spoon of discipline are healing my day, make my days lighter and happier.

What a recipe.

Sit up + Push up: Up my life. No more Screen up

Sit up and push up are the ways to relief stress now. How strange is that? It is not mentally healthy but physically, it is.

Lately, I am so wanna off from the computer screen, the ultimate cause of my stress. Why should I get trap in this whole damn world and have the only window to the whole world through my screen. Love it in the beginning but now.... I start hating it soooo much. My room mate, Piere, said, "It is hell killing my eyes". It kills what I feel as a a human.

Working, typing, watching movies, video clips, TVs channel, listening to the music, checking recipe, sending text, email, playing games, playing love, doing lousy research, serious research, love research, looking for new friends, cute friends, talking to parents, to strangers, to myself... like now.. everything!!! arrghhh... tired.

Ok.. that's it. I AM OFF NOW.

CLICK APPLE LOGO...

CLICK SHUTDOWN...

Computer ask, "are you sure want to shutdown your computer now?"

option: cancel or shutdown

Just if there were an option: HELL YES, SHUTDOWN NOW!!!

just 0.05 mm difference

Since 1 year ago, I have tried to find the lid for my camera lens to replace the broken one. I do not why suddenly I connected with my feeling in soul mate searching, real and true friendship, or love, which has not appeared.
After finished long presentation session in university, I decided to go back home, changed my clothes to the casual outfit. ahhh... felt so good to just let the formal side of me get rest and stay there at some point.
Then I just felt wanna go somewhere with my bike and let my bike showed the way. Hmmm.. let me think... confused for a while. Thinking to buy some stuff in the far away supermarket for the God sake of cheaper price but then my bike led me to the lens store.
I just remember with my broken lid of my camera, hey surprisingly they have this stuff with various brands. So I went back, grabbed my camera, and back to the store. After a mid-age guy tried to match my camera with different available size of the lid. Then he suddenly said "aha!, it fits". When I pulled it just a little to check whether it is really fitted or not , it suddenly was off. Juuuuuuust 0.05 mm difference is enough to rip off my heart and to twist my mind to write this story. Does friendship, love, and relationship works in the same way? Does 0.05 mm difference in the path of life and serendipity enough to change the entire scenario of our life?
I almost get what I am looking for a year, but it is just 0.05 mm that says I am not in the finish line yet. I guess it has been the same for friendships, loves and soul mates searching. Love, friendship, and good soul are everywhere, but they are just too loose to be caught. 0.05 mm too far, we could not get it, 0.05 mm too short, we might lose it.
It is too complicated for me. I need something exact. Stated. Cristal clear.

I guess today is not my day yet. I will keep searching, while now my bike just led me to the supermarket. The place where as far as you can see is clearly stated. The price, the composition, the type of stuffs, the name of the staffs, the section product, everything is stated. Well somebody are standby too if you want to get more information.

I wish soul and love searching can be as clear as supermarket without loosing the sense of its romance and beauty.

the power of being powerless and JUST TRY!

somehow I value myself for being toooo judgmental and so powerful that I resist to try and just guess the outcome with my power and self-authority. I guess it is very human. Yes a very bad human habit and nature. Yesterday I see how a person acted differently.
This person tried a thing that I said possible but I think impossible, to stand an egg vertically, just right after I spoke to him and he did it, YES he did it twice after 2 minutes and again after 4 minutes. WAOW! I keep saying this is possible because a person told me so, but honestly I have never tried. What a lame.
Since a man told me about a business training with this stupid exercise, standing an egg vertically and just like that by your hand. He said, "in the beginning from 100 people in the training, all of 'em said this is impossible to do"
Know what, after 20 minutes there was a guy could do that. Yes a guy made an egg stands vertically. Five minutes later, 80% of the training participants could do the same. The fact that told them is possible that changes their unconsciousness and translate it into being real and happening. I guess it works completely the same with dream, vision, you name it.
Ok. that's inspirational but somehow, yesterday and today I am being reminded by this magic of moment. It is good to try before I just take it like that. For any bad words and judgments, many times I took em just that way without examine them later on, try em and prove em. He gave me the most important lesson by just doing this in front of me with the egg that he just boiled.
Waooo.. I guess being powerless and not taking authority over ourselves and just do it, prove it before the judgment and words killing me or us can be very very very important and meaningful.

cleaning out

Today, I am officially getting old to be 25 years old and I want to label it "Cleaning out"
25 years ago, I can imagine, I was born healthy with pure mind (as clean as white paper, which smart people call it, tabula rasa), even some religious said I bring evil part as a human being.
So whatever with the theory and religious people. I just know that I grow not only with my knowledge and experience but also with any kind of toxic you can imagine from this world. You name it, from value judgment from others, norms, to alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, pesticide.
Today, yes TODAY is the day to clean these all out from my body and soul. Start with taking long shower, taking out all old stuff in my wardrobe, cleaning out my room, and the house. I guess that it is still not enough. I am doing detoxification, just eat fruits and drink 10 liters of water, to take all poisonous thingy out. OUT OUT OUT!
Yes, it is the best present I have ever had for myself in this 25 years old. But no offense to Farzad, one of my room mates, your present is cute too. :)
Now, I start getting to the edge of myself. I feel starving even though I keep eating the mango and oranges in the fridge. I guess for all I have done in this 24 years and 365 days, this is just the beginning to feel better how the "good" pain can heal and renew tired soul that could not realize, shout and say "I am tired" and intoxicated body that always wants to look good, but takes alcohols for the sake of better laughs, takes caffeine to stay awake in the morning, takes sleeping pills to get sleep at night, and so on and so on and again and again...
TODAY I CLEANED THESE OUT! YES I MADE IT!

finding back my presence

woowww.. it has been a long time to dance my fingers on the top of my laptop for fun things, like blogging.
Working on the university works, checking mails, and checking whatever happen in the fake social life network I could have on the net (twitty, facebooky, orkuchy-as brazilian say for Orkut, bla di bla...) have become a routine even more become an unstated social obligation. Occhhh... so tired of all these.
Then, I ran out from my fucked up life these last few weeks. I thought join meditation work shop could be an option. I was right. Woke up in early morning at 7am to attend the session far away from the city I live in now, Rotterdam, I have found myself very courageous to travel alone to this place, Egmond aan Zee, a small city on the north of Amsterdam, 2 hours by train and very small bus that even nobody will judge it as a bus.
When I arrived there, a woman, who I think is very lovely and sweet with british accent hold my freezing hand with her warm hand, gave an honest smile, and said, "let me show you the room. do you wanna have a cup of coffee or tea" Owwwhhh so sweetttt, I love this woman (of course not in the gay way of loving since I am damn strait, ha!)
Then I felt so welcomed and even took out 49 EURO out of my bank account did not feel painful anymore. yeah That's a beauty of love. Love is blind. Hate it but it is true and I fully accept that.
After put all stuffs and change clothes, the class was started with about 10 people. It was very interesting moment because it was a social meditation day, meditation without closing eyes and scared to feel asleep. Everybody started hugging each other in the proper way, expressing themselves, colliding themselves, getting the anger out of ourselves, complaining about our pain, dancing, saying positive things. Waoooo... I wish the world could be like this sometimes, when everybody just does not care with what other people will say and be happy together in the same time.
The sharing session struck me though, when a middle age lady, about 55 years old confessed that she had had a problem during the session to express the truth feelings of her. She has been an actress since 24 years old and now she does not know which one is acting and which one is her real emotion.
The other person said, (he is one of gay couples) "I feel home every time I come here and I get myself out of my unconsciousness" Lovely! The other woman is a taxi driver, she is just fun! When we had a circle hug, we all of sudden put one of our feet together in the middle and she shoot, "hey! time for feet sex, oowww... unprotected one!" such a very good sense of humor.
At the end of the session, Bart, a 38 years old guy asked me for a date and we had a date in the nice restaurant, new york hotel (for the people outside rotterdam may think I am bitch, but please don't because it is just the name). He is interesting though and I feel nourished from the conversation. He was talking about different kind of meditations using amazon herbs which pull me out to try someday. For sure I will. It is just crossing in my mind, in this fuckin' 25th years old thingy. Why I always have cute younger guy who like me or very old guy who like me and asking for sleep dating (Woowww... easy!) Is there any in between their ages, like 32 to 35. Damn where are these men like this on earth! Are they in the state like to fuck around, which I do not really into it. Or I just like extreme stuff, between kiddish stuff, hangout get drunk in the student social drink event, and oldish stuff, like meditating? I need to really check on that I guess... looking into my presence and peeping deeper.

my first month away from home

My first month experience was really amazing! I can not wait for the second. This video is dedicated for all AIESEC Bandung members! You have done a great job and yes I know these all started from a dream.

Thank you also for Ali who gave me a chance join strategic planning team. It was a beginning of this journey, exploration, and discovery.

new year in copacabana

Shouting and Dancing on the rain, Seeing people kissing and having so much love, I feel strange in the same time happy because I have never seen like this before. To tell you the truth, It is much more like heaven that earth but the only thing that bothered me for having heaven sensation, celebrating new year in Copacabana beach is that first, we still need money to buy food and second, too much trash on the street.

There are three things that I want to keep in my head in 2009 when I remember about celebrating the new year of 2009 in Copacabana:

1. Happy Life

2. Meaningful Life

3. Life of others

(1) What is happy life for me?

I discover that simple things make me happy.

What are the simple things that make me happy?

Receiving stupid message, find free KFC when I am really hungry, added by old friends in facebook, when my boss said that I am smart and doing good job, when I can be crazy and people do not care and still say I am cute, when my parents start to make jokes by messenger, when I receive my salary, when I can buy things with cheaper price, when I have new place to get settled, when I can eat rice until my stomach get full, when I find the person I love, when people reply my sms and email, when the sun is shinning but reduce its heat, when I can see a lot of fish in the school or in the plates. :) when I can see many people dance and laugh, when I have time to draw for the people I love, when I get my job done on time, when somebody massage me gently, when there are so much healthy and good food on the table, when somebody has party and I am invited, when I can eat real cherry, when I can sleep and wake up late, when I wake up in the morning and have a deep sleep, when I have a glass of cold soda when I am really thirsty.

The happiest thing is that these great moment happened in my life and still continue everyday.

2. What is The meaningful life for me?

I think about the day goes by and keep reflecting what things I can learn from my experiences and other people?

Who are these special people?
daddy, mama, david hertz, ali, tya, jenny, ap, rama, lila, buddi, renata s, renata l, stephanie, uridaea, julia, stephanie (julia's sister), qiqi, Joana, Lukas, Joana's mom, mas bido, mas amir, mas tommy, bu hapsari, pak nury, janny, mia annisa, andra, muti, peter, lucia, shirley ma, vincent li, peter rydahl, tomas k, tordis, gabriela, isa, bruno, isa's mom and dad, renata s.'s mom and dad, bondan prasetyo, imed, oshin, nur, dodit, bonnie, iris, viviani, maure, samuel pandu amarta, danny ardiansyah, david wongso, ibnu siena, dicky herlambang, nugroho sasongko, mio, dammy, moreover the kids teach me how to be happier, the adults teach me to be more wise, and the young teach me the meaning of NOW, live more wise and happier!

3. What is the life of others?

in the end of 2008, I explore more about RESPECT. Everybody has his own way to make the first two question and these things are the most essential things that make our world growing in balance.

Welcome 2009. I am ready to embrace you.

Questions of Centuries.

Went down deep into the womb of earth, The cave in cradle of Humankind, Johannesburg South Africa and saw the link of us as human with our encestor stimulate a lot of questions in my head. they popped up in randomness. All of sudden the museum `Cradle of Humankind`helped me to structure the questions, the questions of centuries.

Did the universe begin with a big bang?
Am I free?
Am I unique?
Are all hominids bipeds?
Are there parallel universes?
Are we alone?
Are you for real?
Are you happy?
Can god make a rock so big she can lift it?
Can fish think?
Can some of us predict the future?
Are you sad?
Can you give me directions?
Can time be contained or mastered?
Did eve arrive before adam?
Did we really sent man to the moon or was it just kubrick?
Did shaggy do it?
Do people become stars when they die?
Does time travel exist?
How many countries are there in the world?
Do we connect in ways beyond speech?
Does money does make the world go around?
Did michael ever learn to rock?
Who am I?
How evolved was charles darwin?
How long is a piece of string?
How many cabs are there in New York city?
How many grandchildren will I have?
How many notes are there on the saxophone?
how old is the earth?
Really is humanity doomed?
How long will we be here?
If God is the answer, what is the question?
If the USA won the space race, who is winning the human race?
if you had a choice, who would you choose to meet in all of history?
Is brain indicative of intellegence?
How many tears in the bottle of gin?
Are you a typical of a star sign?
Is science another kind of religion?
Is there a god?
Is the human experience simply a test?
Is the universe open or closed?
is there an afterlife?
When will the earth`s oil reserve run out?
What is spirituality?
What is thought?
Was leonardo da vinci the first true scientist?
What is it like to see the earth from space?
What is memory?
What do we all have in common?
If you could be a bird, what a bird could it be?
What is color?
What is existance?
What is language?
Why do some cows have spots?
Is it better to be late than never?
When am I going to die?

a piece of fraction from reflection time (7th November 2011)

Closing my eyes, I see my life there, as a two-open hand full with lively loose black soil of earth in the middle of savanna, my home country. Life scenes have passed by and remarked on me and on the savanna life. I am the witness and the acquiescent of the great life. From during a dark night with thunderstorm to during a bright full day, I was there and I will be there to give myself.

In specific occasions, the wind blows me to see world and experience the smooth dessert in Africa, the snowy land in winter-China, the humid and challenging Amazon forest in Brazil. Along with the time I were seeing and experiencing them, I saw my past, my present, and my future emerged; more importantly, I have seen my life and my future evidently.

(a day in my "penitentiary", which makes me stronger and stronger)

The Solitary depleted my productivity of life

The life cascade has been derived from the way mind flowing and how the surroundings react. That is what I felt lately. I keenly welcome the new things to come and stirred up by any offers, in the other hand the pressure to accomplish several tests thrust my excitement away. Somehow I thought it is awry for being in the unprecedented realm.

Maybe at the end, I just deliberate too much with myself..

During my "free" time that I arrange for it (since if we don't arrange we won't have it, u know...).
I went to cinema and sit alone for this movie and learn a lot from it.

Enchanting, amusing, and little bit childish if I can say, "Ratatouille", It's about a little mouse tell big story about its life.
Remy is the mouse which has talent to smell and feel about what he eats, he really wanna change the perspective of other mouse which always steal, take, and eat everything. He thinks that he wanna create something, innovate something, then he starts to dream to be a chef in Paris, France.
I believe what he believe, when everybody starts dreaming, other people stop us to continue our action make the dream come true. During Remy journey, it also happened then I believe his word that when we wanna make a change that something impossible because of the nature has already been decided for us, it's not what we should follow because the change is nature and what we should do is making it happen!
If a story of little mouse teach me something from its experience, I believe everybody as human can tell more about the experience that they got to change this world.

HI AIESEC!

Nice to know when I woke up this morning that today is 1st July 2007, when everything should be started. The morning has already became night and started to prepare for 2nd July 2007. Time was came and by so fast without we realize it and 365 days from now, we will in the finish line and we will see back many things left behind as legacies. It will be the beginning and it will be the end, it really depend on us see it. I believe beginning nor ending won't pass without meaning, it remains in our heart positively and negatively, once again it really depend on us see it.

From the day I moved to MC flat, I stick one quote in toilet door and you will see it every time you are in the toilet (just come here to MC flat if you are not believe it), the door said "Positive thinkers get positive results because they are not afraid of problems".
We will face many challenges in front of us, one thing that we should realize we must enjoy it, mean it then it will become something very valuable in life. Once again thank you for all 0607 to leave all legacy and congratulation 0708 to just start the new term!

Enjoy,


Aidy